SPD: Own it.

This is me, 24 years old, mommy of 2. And this is my new walking cane.

I have two beautiful, sweet little boys that I love more than anything in the whole wide world. They are 17 months apart. They have my heart. I will forever be grateful for the enormous blessing it is to be their mother.

Pregnancy gave me a condition called Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction, aka Pelvic Girdle Pain. Google it if you're interested. It was very mild when I was pregnant with Carson. I actually didn't feel any effects of it until right after he was born, and it healed very quickly. This last pregnancy was a different story.

When I was 32 weeks along, I was walking down the hall when I suddenly fell to the floor in pain. I sat there for a while, thinking it must have been a weird fluke. I got up and walked toward Brock, and it happened again. He caught me, and I started to cry. He helped me to my bed, where I began to explain everything to him. I had felt a mild pain in that area for a few weeks prior... enough to bother me, but not enough for me to make a stink about it. I brushed it off as some weird pregnancy pain (there are lots of those), and didn't think much of it. But this was different. This was real pain. I stayed in bed the rest of that day, hoping rest would fix the problem.

The next morning was a Sunday, and I had a lesson planned for my little Primary class. When my toddler woke up, I got out of bed and carried him to the kitchen to make him a bottle. Standard morning routine. By the time the bottle was made, the pain was back in full swing. I gave my baby a blanket and limped into the bedroom to wake my husband. I started to cry again as the fear sank in- what if this pain doesn't go away? I said to Brock, "I can't just go two months without being able to walk. I have a toddler to take care of, for goodness' sake!"

But, we were sure that wouldn't be the case. We were sure another day of resting would fix it and I'd be just fine.

Another day went by and I was not getting better. Time to do research. Time to talk to the doctor. Time to fix it. Well, we found out what it was. Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction, or, Pelvic Girdle Pain. The best advice anyone had was Tylenol, a maternity support belt, and waiting till baby was born. None of that was very helpful for the time being, but at least this pain had an expiration date. I would have my beautiful baby, and I would get better. Everything I read, everyone I talked to, said it would go away when the baby was born. That was my ray of hope. I could make it. I counted down every day. I wasn't allowed to lift my child. I couldn't walk. I was confined to the couch. And I would hobble painfully around the house to get to the bathroom or get food for Carson and myself. People were so generous, and we were taken care of. Counting down till baby was born. We would make it through.

And we did! We made it! Sweet, perfect little Gordon was born, 1 1/2 weeks early. All the pain was so worth it- none of it mattered. I had my beautiful baby in my arms, and I was finally going to get better. And I did! A couple weeks after giving birth, I was walking again. It was such a wonderful, freeing feeling. I was SO happy. I was able to lift both of my children. I took them on walks every day. Life was great.

When Gordon was 4 weeks old, I was out on a walk with my boys, and the pain started to come back. I knew I needed to get back home and rest. I was so scared. I made it back, and I was okay, but I started to be more careful. I stopped going on walks, and then I was capable of doing everything else just fine.

At my 6 week follow up appointment, I told my doctor everything. I told him I was significantly better, but that the pain still came if I walked or cleaned the house too much. He told me I needed to rest more. I needed more time to heal.

Now I dare you to stay home with two babies and rest your pelvis. Especially when you're feeling, for the most part, just fine. Well, I didn't rest. I pushed my limits every day. When I got sore, I'd sit down. I wasn't that stupid. But, pushing it to the point of soreness every day was not going to let it heal. No one knew I was still having struggles. I didn't want anyone to know. I thought I could pretend to be fine and eventually it would be true, and no one would need to feel sorry for me. I was frustrated that the pain didn't go away like it was supposed to. I was frustrated watching other women have babies and then be working out, getting in shape, and taking their kids to the park. I wanted that so bad. So I tested my limits every day, hoping each day was the day the pain wouldn't come back. And I did think it was getting better, slowly.

But, over this past weekend, I pushed it too far. I was cleaning the kitchen, and my body fought back. I leaned against the counter in disbelief. I couldn't walk. I couldn't take one step. I fought against my pride, and finally called out to Brock. He helped me to the bedroom. Then came the anxiety attack. A real one, like I hadn't had in years. Anger, frustration, fear, and PAIN. No. NO. Why?!?!  I stayed in bed the rest of the day, trying to find the emotional strength to be positive. Failing.

The next day was Gordon's blessing day. It was a marvelous day. Our family was there and so wonderful. I couldn't walk. It was time people knew that I did not, in fact, heal. Like I was supposed to. Like I pretended I did. People were so loving. It's time to swallow my pride. My doctor referred me to a physiatrist, and I've got an appointment tomorrow. They said it's treatable, and with some intense therapy, I'll get better. In the mean time, rest is helping, and, here is my cane! I hobble around my house, taking care of my babies, and resting the best I can.

I've learned a new level of compassion for others, because you never know when someone is going through something. I've learned that we all have to have a turn needing help. I've learned that we're never alone. And I've learned that it's okay to lower your expectations for yourself in order to be content with what you're able to do. I guess it's my turn to be tried, humbled, and taught patience. And I'm okay with it, because I have also been bounteously blessed. I have two beautiful, healthy little boys, and they are so beyond worth it.

The Lord has blessed me with the strength I need to take care of my little ones. As long as I'm able to do that, I'm okay. I can be happy. They are little angels and they bring me so much joy. The Lord has also blessed me with an amazing husband who is my saving grace. He picks up my slack around the house. He's the most incredible person I know. So this is me, giving up my pride. Owning my condition instead of hiding it. Trusting the Lord that one day I'll be able to walk well, and play with my little boys. In the mean time, I will do my best to stay happy. For my boys, for my husband, and for myself. After all, why are we here except to conquer trials, grow stronger, and find happiness? So I'm gonna do that. Cane and all. Watch me conquer! :)

Positive Vibes

So, here's the scoop.  I was having one of those mornings... the emotional kind.  Because, as insanely grateful as I am for this blessing in my life, sometimes Pregnancy is just downright hard!

I am huge.  I am exhausted.  My back hurts.  My head hurts.  My shoulders hurt.  My legs feel weak.  My tummy hurts.  I can never find a comfortable position to be in.  I am soooooooooo hot.  My feet feel like fire.  I am always hungry and ALWAYS thirsty.  I pee all the time.  I cry all the time.  I never have enough energy to get everything done that I want to do.  And I still have FOUR MONTHS LEFT.

So, as grateful and excited as I am, there are days (like today) when I just feel discouraged.  So, I decided to pray for strength and peace.

Almost immediately, I started having positive thoughts pop into my head.  It was like an answer to my prayers reminding me to focus on the positives of life!  I'm calling them my positive vibes to turn my frown upside down :)

POSITIVE VIBES:


-My nephew Ben is the cutest thing on the planet.  I wish I could play with him all day.  That's what I have to look forward to with this guy!  Megh and Brad's story is a ray of hope in my life.  I love them so much and am so so so grateful for them.

-Most mommas have multiple children, which means that all this crap must be worth it.

-My husband is the sweetest, most loving and caring person alive.  He loves me so much and puts up with all my crazy emotions and just comforts me, and he works so hard to take care of our family.  It boggles my mind every day how I wound up with such and incredible man to share my life with.

-My family and in-laws are so sweet and loving and supportive.  And I hate how far away they all are, but at least we have modern technology so we can be in contact instantly even if it's not face to face.

-I have such incredible friends that I love so dearly and they just brighten up my life!

-I have a piano that I can play any time I want and I love it so much.

-I have the best job in the world.  I LOVE teaching.

-We are so blessed to be financially stable enough to buy the essentials our baby will need when he is born.  That has always been a worry of mine, so we set aside money a long time ago to make sure we would be okay and I am so grateful we are.

-I have chocolate in my cupboard :)

-December will get here fast because of the holidays and baby showers and preparations.

-I got wonderful happy emails and texts from friends and family today and am so grateful to be surrounded by such wonderful people!



And I'm grateful for my Positive Vibes!  If we remember to focus on the blessings in our lives, we will be able to get through anything and be happy :)

It's a BOY!!!!!!!

So, we had our anatomy scan ultrasound yesterday.  It was incredible!  We got to look at our cute little baby for half an hour!  And here's what we learned:

- We've got a thumb sucker!!  It took FOREVER to get a clear shot of his face because his hands were in the way!  But we jiggled him around enough and actually got to watch him take his thumb in and out of his mouth!

- He is measuring perfectly average in height and weight for our due date.  (I was secretly hoping he would be measuring bigger so our due date could get bumped up early hahaha but at least he's healthy!)

- His heartbeat is 162.  It took forever to get that reading too because I kept laughing when he moved- and it kept messing up the sound!  They consider it healthy if it is between 120 and 180 so ours is dead middle!  Very healthy :)

- 2 hands, 2 feet, 4 chambers of the heart... Healthy brain, healthy spine, 3 parts to the umbilical cord, 2 kidneys, a stomach and a bladder, 2 lips, 1 nose, 2 eyes, and........

A cute little boy part!!!!!

He was being shy for a while there- legs crossed and curled up in a ball.  But finally we got a good shot and the ultra sound guy labeled it "Little Boy."  Then, right as we were finishing up, Baby Boy totally opened up and we all laughed!  Ultra Sound specialist labeled that picture "Big Boy" hahaha there was definitely no question!!!

We are so excited and grateful to have such a healthy baby boy and we cannot wait to meet him!  Everything for both him and me was in tip-top shape!!  December 4th, here we come!!!

We're Having a Baby!!!

So the secret is out!  We are having a baby!  A little holiday bundle of joy, due December 4th!  We are so so so grateful for this wonderful little miracle in our lives and cannot wait to be parents!  Here is what has been happening since we got the news :)

So we found out just a couple days before April Fool's Day- a great opportunity to trick our families!  Haha, but no one fell for it...  we were bad liars, so they were all just happy for us :)  But the majority of the first trimester went pretty well.  I started feeling exhausted and queasy around 8 weeks, but only threw up a couple of times.  We were a little nervous about the whole thing, but a 10 week ultra sound set our minds at ease a little bit.  Look at that cute little bugger!

And here is my belly a couple days after that ultra sound.  Happy Mother's Day!

My 11-week mark came on our 3-year anniversary.  I had a concert at Sky View that night, so we did a quick date to Cafe Rio before that, and planned a super fun trip for the following weekend.  Here's a pic of that date...

Unfortunately, that night I got really really sick.  In fact, so sick that I was prescribed nausea medicine and told to stay in bed and eat nothing but bananas, rice, toast, and sprite.  Needless to say, we didn't go on our anniversary trip that weekend.  We spent it like this instead!

In bed, eating rice and toast and bananas, and drinking lots of sprite.  Brock was very very good to me.

Hoping that after a week I would be getting better, I actually did the opposite and the day after my 12-week-mark I ended up on a late night ER visit.  Through an IV, they pounded 4 1/2 Liters of fluid in me for dehydration, and drugged me with tons of anti-nausea medicine.  It was a pretty miserable night. 

After three weeks of bed rest, I finally started to feel a little bit better.  Around 14 weeks, I was blessed with just enough energy to teach my students a couple of hours a day, and then spent the rest of the time in bed.  Each week has slowly been getting a little bit better.  I still feel exhausted all the time, but I think the nausea has FINALLY subsided!  Phew!  That was a ROUGH road!  But the thing that kept me going was this little miracle inside me...  I will never ever take that blessing for granted, no matter how tough pregnancy can be.  

Now I am almost 18 weeks and we get to find out the gender on July 19th.  We are so thrilled and grateful!  Baby has been kicking me this week and it is SO FUN to feel it!  Here is what my belly looked like on my 17 week mark.  Can the holidays come any faster?  I can't wait to meet this little cutie!!!!!!!